Today I held my beautiful boy closer, kissed his dimply cheeks more, ran my fingers through his soft silky hair and drank in every detail of his adorable being. I’ve been feeling rather run down today and as if I’m about to vomit at any minute most of the day. I’ll chalk it up to sleep deprivation, pushing myself and neglecting myself a bit lately.  This morning was spent in bed willing myself to feel better, I woke to a swollen eye which the doctor said was allergeries so I took an antihistamine and hoped for the best. I got up got washed and dressed as the baby and my partner slept. It was nice to have a bath on my own even if it was brief, it’s a little thing but makes such a difference. A small moment of feeling relaxed not being or doing anything except being in that moment.

My swollen eye which got worst throughout the day

After getting the baby ready it was off to baby sensory I nearly forgot the dessert pots I made for the mum’s who had invited me into their lovely circle of friends. I had to buy a cake on the way as I didn’t have enough caramel to finish one of the pots because I killed a saucepan smoking out the house and sending the pan to the kitchen in the sky. Note to self when making caramel never take your eye off the pan. To be fair it was my first time making it and it went well.

Yeaheee I made caramel
This was the first attempt it didn’t go so well, the second was better the third one killed the pan
Chocolate brownie dessert pot with caramel and chocolate cream and caramel buttons

Baby sensory was good this week there was a teddy bears picnic theme for Children in need. Hendrix was loving the picnic spread giving each bit a slobbery chew. Later the glow in the dark parachute was out with some flashing lights and bubble he really loves the bubbles and lights he’s so chilled and focused. Each week he’s doing more and experiencing the classes differently it’s so captivating watching him develop working out how things work and slowly gaining full control over his limbs.

When I got home from baby sensory I came over so nauseous, my head was spinning and pounding all at once. I managed to feed the baby then had to sack off my domestic plans for a lie down. The baby fell asleep after his feed so I managed to get some sleep in and felt a bit better for it. Still not 100% but the sick feeling had gone.

It was children in need tonight which is obviously emotional. Had me thinking about those around me and what would I do if anything happened to my boy. I use to do things for charity all the time, volunteering fund raising now all I do is my monthly donations. I definitely want to get involved in something maybe women’s refuge or a children’s charity. My experience is in learning disability voluntary and paid support work in the community and respite. It was very challenging but rewarding, I’d meet so many different people and help them gain life skills that we take for granted like teaching someone to make a cup of tea or tie their shoes. I would like to venture into a different area of charity work, when I say area I mean women and children instead of learning disabilities. This may be due to just having a child and seeing how some of the people around me struggle but knowing there are more women out there struggling for basic provisions, support, guidance and someone to talk to. I miss giving back to the community it’s definitely a big part of what I feel life is about, helping others where possible especially when I know first hand how hard life can be.

I texted my friend just saying I love you as I was thinking about her and she sent me the most wonderful message back nearly made me cry, too much emotion for one day but it’s nice to know how your friends feel about you. I hope she doesn’t mind but this is what she sent me.

Honestly it’s not just because your my friend it’s because the blog is so true, sure if I was to have read it 2yrs ago I probably wouldn’t have thought anything of it but becoming a mum really makes you realise things n I think your blog speaks for everyone. It would have been good to read while pregnant n now. Even tho il be with you forever n watch Hendrix grow I feel the blog shows another side which I admire. Keep doing what your doing it’s great xx

I’m not sure what the future my hold things can change in a blink of an eye. I will continue to work towards my goals planning for the future but at the same time enjoying the moment and drinking in the everyday, the Monday’s spent doing laundry, washing up and other domestic chores while my baby looks at me with his big eyes and wider than wide gummy smile taking in my every move or the late nights my partner comes home tired as arseholes in the hope that working hard now means playing harder later. I want to try and appreciate it all and remember as much as I can or at least the feeling as all we really have are our memories. The emphasis is always on going somewhere special, doing something bigger and better than everyone else when actually those everyday moments count too. The sleepless nights, the endless piles of washing, the Friday afternoon lunch club which gives you the break you need to take tackle whatever craziness life may throw at you.

One thought on “Flashing lights, achey bodies and emotional sights.

  1. Motherhood is hard but seems like you’re doing a fab job. These memoirs will be wonderful memories to look back. Keep on keeping on


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